here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
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Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize