You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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