I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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