I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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