3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Your face is a jimmy john
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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