Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
