So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
