You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
