so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
