There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Let's paint friendship bongs
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
