No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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