I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
