At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
