i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
