I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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