You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
