dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
pray to the hookup gods
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
