She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
