soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
