im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i now understand why vodka
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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