Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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