At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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