i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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