I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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