i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
