I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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