Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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