i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
