I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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