went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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