mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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