do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
