It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
This house was built for laser tag.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
