Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
