peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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