i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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