walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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