By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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