he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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