I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
