i just had sex bonerless
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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