drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
