That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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