I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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