the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize