do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
