the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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