I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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