party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize