there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
