I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize