About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
