everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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