Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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