Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
