Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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