I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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