We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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