I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You've changed since you got that strap on
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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