that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
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There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
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I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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