watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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