why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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