There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
