My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
