First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
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It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
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Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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