he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
