Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
