im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
