we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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