Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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