my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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