found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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